2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize