I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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