so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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