I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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