So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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