I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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