Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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