my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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