He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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