I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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