Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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