I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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