I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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