But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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