FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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