The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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