The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize