fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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