You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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