Umm I'm too high to move.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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