So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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