and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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