Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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