i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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