Just cropdusted the office
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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