And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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