I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize