shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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