I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize