Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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