and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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