Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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