i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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