If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So much Jack, so little girl.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize