I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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