i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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