If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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