My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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