Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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