You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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