I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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