Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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