i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize