i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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