I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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