Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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