After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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