I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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