A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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