why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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